We’re currently in Northern CA. We are/were set to leave end of August. First stop Londres. However, we’ve hit a snag. A pretty major snag. A snag in the zipper that would render wearing the dress impossible – kind of snag. My ex who is usually not in the picture has suddenly resurfaced and decided that he doesn’t want me traveling abroad with my son. You would think he would have mentioned this concern seven months ago when I told him about my plans. Not after I quit my job, sold all my belongings, left the East coast and am one month away from departing.

It’s very frustrating. And quite cruel. I hate being controlled.

I’m only sharing this in case anyone has any legal advice for me. Otherwise positive vibes sent my way will be much appreciated.

I am one stressed out kitty! That’s exactly why I’ve been MIA from this blog. Not because I’m just bad at keeping up with this blog. Oh, no. It’s because I’ve been “stressed”.  Right, then.

Truth be told -  the stress just hit me two days ago. I am only a little more than a month away from D-Day. And things are getting wacky. Suddenly, I have thoughts about my nice lazy-hazy cosy little existence in my centrally heated home with my little one, where everything is just a simple car ride away, where I can work from home as much as I want and just watch netflix and read books up the wahzoo – and then I think “hey – this isn’t so bad, surely I wouldn’t want to leave this”. GAH! It’s a trap and I have to remind myself of it by watching this cheerful little vid:

Ok, then.

If I don’t go I can foresee myself 30 years from now still crunching numbers for a big corporation and looking back with regret at what could have been. My list of regrets is long enough. I don’t want to add to it. I don’t want to become complacent and apathetic. Staying here is a path to those things.

This much I know is kind of true, at least to me and at least right now:

1. I want adventure outside of that which I watch in film, read in books, daydream up in my mind. I am a loner but I am not alone. I don’t want my boy to grow up in solitude. I want him to experience life, enjoy it’s cultures, embrace it’s peoples. I say no to suburbia.

2. Winters in the NE blow. Why didn’t anyone mention this little tid bit growing up? I had cousins in the North, surely they would have mentioned that they spend a part of there year hibernating? Growing up in the City by the Sea, I hated excessive heat and humidity. Now living in the NE, I hate the cold. I don’t mind a bit of cold but six months of cold is five months too many. If we could make an arrangement, where it could be 10F one day, and then two days at 70F, then back to 10F and repeat – I wouldn’t mind that. I’m not averse to compromise. I do have my good traits.

Here is where I would type in what remains to be done before D-Day. But who wants to hear me droll on and on? People like reading concise material. I’m accommodating like that. Also, if I post what I was going to write here in another entry, I’ve got two posts out of what I intended to be one. Thus, making me appear highly productive and leaving you slightly less bored. I accommodate both me and you (yes, you! I have only one reader) and we both feel like winners.

Life is funny. Unexpected things happen. Specifically when you’re in the midst of planning something. That’s exactly when Unexpected Things stops by and rings your bell. Sometimes he brings good news, other times not so good. The important thing to remember is that the outcome will always be good.

I try not to be so cryptic in my writing but it’s my default and this banner of anonymity I have to maintain, at least for a few more months, makes my inner cryptiness that much worse.

Point is – Unexpected Things dropped by. I’ll be going to the West Coast for a month. The reason may not be stellar but I’m sure the outcome will be.

I should be crossing off a few items from my 30 Before 30 list in the next month.  I’ll also be returning Home to my City by the Sea for a few days. Returning after four years of self-imposed exile. It may be my only chance to go Home for many years and I know it will look very different from when I last left it. It will be hard and happy. I’m anxious to see the familiar faces of my youth. And anxious still to introduce my boy in his childhood to the girl I was in mine.

Adventures in Travel Expo

I live simply now. It’s quiet here.

At night, I like to sit on my balcony and listen to the orchestral hum of insects.

Sometimes the horn of a passing train is the backdrop to the distant purring of the ocean, in the form of passing cars.

Sometimes I just sit and think of what was, what is, what could have been, what will be, what could be.

Sometimes I just listen to the sound of my breath.

Sometimes I look up at the sky searching for just one star that man-made light has made it quite impossible for me to find.

I’ve reached the crossroads and it’s finally time to stop being a voyeur in life and time to dive into it. I won’t coast in life to reach the end of the tunnel and meet the grey hairs of regret.

I’m one of those people who need time-outs, reality checks and reminders on what is important to me in life. I imagine, most people are the same way. Our lives are busier than ever before. Important things get lost in the shuffle. Lifelong aspirations get shelved because “life gets in the way” or, as is my case, because of fear. Since we can’t hit rewind, it’s important that we remember so that we live lives without regret.

Desiderata is a poem that reminds me of just that. I’m posting it on here for the two people who haven’t come across it yet and for myself. Hopefully I’ll come across it often during site maintenance. Considering I have a total of five posts on here, I imagine that this will happen quite often.

Shout out to Max Ehrmann. Though I never knew you, I hope you were as wonderful as this poem makes you seem.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Have not yet secured other sources of income. Have a couple of leads but nothing more than that. May have to transition the idea and consideration of living frugally into an actual method and reality of living frugally. Am hoping that living abroad and outside of my norm will make it easier to do these things. It’s easier to live on the cheap in a place you’ve never lived before because you have no standard. Stateside I’m used to my nice cars, living in more space than I need, eating out, shopping spreely. I’m used to the comforts of materialism here. I’m hoping elsewhere I’ll get used to something different. I just can’t befriend rich people with nice cars, nicer clothes and more space then they need to keep it all in.

Operation -Deal with any outstanding issues and eradicate that in myself which I am not fond of- now in effect. Not initially part of the plan but necessary before I reach my 30^th. This part of the plan, which was never actually part of the plan, is going extremely well. Able to meditate and focus in ways I have not been able to in years. Many, many years.

Savings for big trip are one-third met. Am anticipating major monies on the way. On target.

Haven’t been able to sell my stuff yet. Gave a bunch away successfully though. Did a trial run on a couple of items on Craigslist but only response received were from people in Poland.